


Someone’s Always Leaving

by thegreatficmaster



Series: Supernatural Collection [117]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Broken Families, Character Death, Flashbacks, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Reader-Insert, Resentment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-02 04:33:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20270071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreatficmaster/pseuds/thegreatficmaster
Summary: Sam is the one who takes you in when you lose your parents. But he lets you down time and time again.





	Someone’s Always Leaving

You knew it was awful. You knew it was wrong.

Of course, most teenagers had their problems with their parents.

But you? Well, you hated him.

You didn’t dislike him. You weren’t just annoyed because he didn’t let you buy something.

You genuinely hated him. And to be honest, you knew it wasn’t good.

Hating the man you used to think of as your father. It was awful.

But then again, maybe you didn’t think of him as a father.

He was the one who took you in. He was the one who promised to protect you. He was the one who was supposed to play that role.

Except, he didn’t.

Every time you expected him to protect you, he didn’t.

He always left you behind.

** _You were 10 when you first met him._ **

_“Dean! You hear that?”_

_“Hear what? There’s nothing there!”_

_Sam shuffled around the house, training his ears on the soft sobbing that he was sure he could hear._

_“Sammy! We need to go!”_

_“Shut up!”_

_Sam shut his eyes, focussing on the sound as he neared it, louder and louder until he stood in front of the door to the closet._

_Slowly, Sam gripped the handle and turned it, the torch illuminating the small child, tears streaking down your face._

_“Hi there. What’s your name?”_

_You looked up, sniffling as you saw his face, covered in blood._

_You scrambled away from him, hitting the back of the closet as you shut your eyes._

_“Kid. We won’t hurt you”, a new voice said, deeper than the other._

_You looked up, a certain softness in his voice making you feel safe._

_The taller one was smiling at you, nodding lightly, while the shorter watched you, concerned._

_“It’s ok. It’s safe now”, the taller man insisted._

_You looked at them both, bloody and huge, but calming._

_You don’t know why, but you ran into his arms, sobbing as soon as he held you._

_“Shh. It’s ok”._

_He held you tight, making you feel as though nothing would ever hurt you again._

_“Uh, Dean, can you find some pants?”_

_“Why?”_

_“What do you think?”_

_Sam nodded toward the puddle of urine in your closet, your pants wet as you sat in his lap, soaking into Sam’s jeans._

_But he didn’t mind too much right now._

They took you in after that.

Of course, they both knew how dangerous it was.

Especially considering Dean’s deal.

But they kept you with them, you latching onto Sam, smitten with the man who saved you.

You’d always be with him, in his lap, holding his hand, never letting him leave your side for too long.

He was the only one you felt safe with.

It was difficult, a 10 year old with them while they had to deal with demons and monsters.

But you somehow made it work.

They both loved having you around.

You were the innocence they never once had.

They made sure to keep you out of hunting.

They’d leave you at motels or with Bobby whenever they needed to.

There was no way they’d let you endure what they had.

But then, it all came crashing down.

_ **You were 11 when he first left.** _

_They’d made you stay behind with Bobby._

_You had a slight idea about what was happening._

_When Bobby was a little too busy to keep a constant eye on you, you often read through his books._

_While you didn’t completely understand, you knew these monsters were most likely real._

_Dean and Sam had left few weeks ago and you were just waiting for them to come back._

_You were so distracted with your reading, you hadn’t heard the door open._

_“I don’t know, Bobby”._

_As soon as you heard the muffled sound, you jumped up, running over to Sam._

_But you stopped as soon as your eyes landed on him._

_He looked broken._

_His face was puffy and sad._

_“Sammy? Why are you crying?”_

_He forced a smile out, kneeling as he pulled you towards him._

_“Hey, y/n. I’m sorry I’ve been gone so long. Y-you wanna show me what you’re doing?”_

_You weren’t stupid. You might’ve been a kid, but you were 11._

_You could tell he didn’t want to talk and you knew better than to pester him when he was so upset._

_So you led him to the games console that you’d left untouched for days, knowing Sam wouldn’t like it if he knew you were reading these books._

_The rest of the night was spent with you and Sam playing games, Bobby watching, his heart breaking because he knew exactly what would happen._

_It didn’t surprise him when you woke up in the middle of the night, as you always did, the nightmares keeping you up._

_When he heard you calling for Sam, he knew he’d have to tell you._

_Grumbling, Bobby got out of bed and went downstairs, to see you searching through the house for Sam._

_“You ok, kid?”_

_“Where’s Sam?_ _”_

_Bobby sighed, shaking his head in disappointment at Sam._

_“He-y/n, you’ll be staying with me from now on”._

_You were confused._

_Sam had just come back. He usually stayed with you for at least a week before he’d leave again._

_“When is Sam coming back?”_

_Bobby sat at the desk, pulling you onto his lap._

_“You’re getting heavy kid, aren’t ya?”_

_You looked at Bobby, a small smile on your face, but a feeling of dread growing inside you._

_Bobby sighed, knowing he’d be breaking your heart right now._

_“He won’t be back, kid. Sam’s gone away for a while. I don’t know when, or if, he’ll come back”._

_You felt your eyes grow wet, your nose starting to run as you began crying._

_“He left me too, didn’t he?”_

_Bobby couldn’t answer that. He wouldn’t answer that._

_After what Sam had done, he wouldn’t let him hurt you anymore._

_“I’ll be here, y/n. I won’t leave you”._

You knew now, that Bobby was the closest thing you had to a second father.

He was the one who took care of you that entire year.

He was the one who kept the nightmares away, who played with you, sat with you when you cried and made sure he did what he could to make you smile.

You loved Bobby with all your heart.

And when Dean came back, they explained what happened.

They told you how Dean ‘went away’.

How Sam had to be on his own to deal with it.

By now, you knew what was happening.

You were 12. You’d overheard some of Bobby’s conversations.

You knew Dean died. You knew Sam had abandoned you.

And when you found out he left to be with a demon, that was the moment you lost faith in the man who was meant to protect you.

Dean would constantly try and defend him to you, even though you knew, he too, was disgusted.

But all you knew was, Sam had promised to keep you safe, but he left you for a demon.

Everything after that was a mess.

Demons kept attacking. Angels arrived. 

Castiel.

You met Ruby.

You hated everything about her, but of course, Sam was unwilling to let anyone hurt her.

He chose her over you once before, and he kept doing it over and over.

Your love for Sam was slowly being replaced with hatred and repulsion.

Not that you showed it.

He thought you were still that little kid who looked up to him. The one who thought the world of him.

But you didn’t.

He made you sick.

You watched as he lost control, giving in to his demon blood addicted self.

You watched him side with Ruby.

You watched him betray Dean for a demon.

You watched him selfishly turn his back on everything he had been raised to do.

He tried to redeem himself for what he did after she died. For releasing Lucifer. For bringing pain upon the world.

Not that it worked.

Countless people died.

All because of his selfish decisions.

Then, he abandoned you for the second time.

He jumped into the cage, taking Lucifer, Michael and Adam with him.

For the next year you lived with Bobby.

You knew Dean thought of you as his own kid, just as Sam had, but you didn’t want to live with a woman and a child you never knew.

You weren’t even sure why he left to be with them.

He barely knew them, but you knew Dean was desperate for a ‘normal’ life.

And this woman would give it to him.

But you already had a family.

You had Bobby and Cas.

While Cas’ visits were few and far, you still had Bobby.

And you’d have been happy to stay like that forever.

Bobby gave you the respect and complete and utter love you thought you lost when your parents died.

Each day with him was a blessing to you.

You couldn’t have asked for a better man to take care of you.

But of course, he had to ruin it all.

Sam came back.

Except this time, he was soulless.

To be honest, you didn’t see much of a difference between this Sam and the one who was all jacked up on demon blood.

Selfish. Arrogant. Asshole.

You wouldn’t have minded if he stayed away.

But of course he didn’t.

He had to come back into your lives, drag Dean back into the hunting life because he was selfish.

Everything after that was so far beyond what anyone could comprehend.

Sam lost his mind once he got his soul back.

Apparently, God created things before humans, which were practically invincible.

All the while, Sam was trying to make it up to you.

He began spending more time with you.

Wanting to get to know you after so long without you.

But you held a grudge like a bitch.

You shut him out.

Barely spoke to him, responding in grunts or single word answers.

Dean could see how frustrated his brother was getting with you not talking to him, so he tried to persuade you to be just a little nicer.

_“Come on, y/n. he’s trying, right? Why the hell are you being so stubborn?”_

_“Are you kidding me? He left us, Dean! He abandoned both of us!”_

_“He-he had to. How do you expect him to deal with it all?”_

_You scoffed, a bitter laugh leaving you._

_“What a surprise. I get he’s your brother, Dean. But that doesn’t mean you should defend him over every single thing. What he did was wrong. You sold your soul for him and he chose to leave you in hell. An angel who’s never even met you before was the one who saved you. Then he chose a demon over us, over and over again! After that, he went to hell and instead of staying down there, he came back and dragged us into his mess. He almost had you turn into a vampire, Dean!”_

_Dean sighed, running his hand down his face._

_“I-I know that. But he made a mistake. You can’t hold it against him forever”._

_“A mistake is buying dark chocolate instead of milk chocolate. A mistake is eating food from some shitty taco truck that gives you the runs. Leaving your brother and kid for a demon isn’t a mistake. Choosing the same demon over and over, is not a mistake. Abandoning us, is NOT a mistake. It’s a choice he made. Constantly. So, no, Dean. I don’t have to forget anything. Because he’s shown me that when it comes down to it, he’ll choose anything over us each time”._

You stuck to your word, never forgetting about what Sam had done.

Being with Bobby might have made you slightly more cynical and bitter, but it gave you a sense of self-worth.

However, forgiveness was something else.

You could see Sam was really trying. And after the only man you trusted, Bobby, had told you to go easy, you began opening up.

Not fully.

You’d never forget what Sam had done. But you did begin forgiving him slowly.

But of course, that didn’t last too long.

_“No! Bobby!”_

_Sam held you back as you watched the doctor’s work for a few minutes, before they took him away._

_He was gone._

_Bobby was gone. The one person you knew you’d always be able to rely on was gone._

_And instead of crying, instead of mourning, you hated._

_You hated Sam. You hated Dean. You hated them both for always doing this. For always dragging people into their messes and leaving them to die._

_So, after a few days, you made your decision._

_“Where the hell are you going?”_

_You didn’t answer them, throwing your bag over your shoulder as you ignored their questions._

_“Y/n, what the hell?”_

_Sam’s hand clamped around your arm, but you snatched it away from him._

_“Don’t you dare touch me, you fucking bastard!”_

_Sam visibly flinched, Dean’s jaw dropping._

_“Y-y/n…”_

_“What? What the fuck do you have to say to excuse what you did? Huh? First it was, ‘Oh, I’m addicted to demon blood. Woe is me’. Then it was some bullshit about, ‘I didn’t have my soul’. Now what? Tell me, Sam? What the fuck can you ever say to excuse murdering the only man I have in my life?”_

_“I-I-”_

_“Stop fucking stuttering like an idiot. He died, Sam. Bobby. My Bobby. The one who fucking raised me while you left constantly. Over and over. He was the one thing I had left in this world. So what the fuck do you have to say? Huh? You’re sorry? You wish it didn’t happen? What?”_

_He kept his mouth shut, knowing there was nothing he could do to comfort you right now._

_“Exactly what I fucking thought. While you and your dumb ass brother sit here, trying to find a way to fix your damn mess, I’m gonna go get Bobby back”._

_Before you could leave, Dean blocked your way._

_“What the fuck does that mean?”_

_“It means, I’m gonna make a deal. I’m bringing him back”._

_You shoved past Dean, pulling the door open and walking away._

_But of course, they weren’t about to let you leave so easily._

_“I don’t fucking think so, y/n!”_

_Dean gripped your arm, dragging you back as you fought against him._

_“Let go, you fucking asshole!”_

_You kicked his shin hard, Dean’s grip loosening as you backed up._

_“YOU’RE 15, Y/N! I’M NOT LETTING YOU SELL YOUR SOUL!”_

_“Y/n, please don’t do this”._

_You turned to Sam, glaring at him._

_“And why not? Because Bobby isn’t worth it? Dean sold his soul for you. If you ask me, the world would’ve been better off without you. All you do is abandon people. You destroy lives. You release evil willingly. All I’m doing is bringing back a man who does nothing but help. Which is more than either of you can ever say. Don’t look for me. Don’t think of me. Forget me. Because believe me, I’ll forget all about the two of you”._

You didn’t see them for a few months after that.

It was terrifying. Being so young and alone in the world.

But you knew there was always someone looking out for you.

Unfortunately, that person ordered all demons not to make a deal with you.

There was no way to bring Bobby back.

So you hunted.

You made sure you only found basic hunts that you could deal with easily.

You mostly got around by foot or hitching a ride, sleeping on the streets and eating whatever food you could find.

It was a hard few months, so when you ran back into Sam and Dean, you reluctantly agreed to go with them again, even if the relationship you had with both of them had completely changed.

And just when you thought it was getting slightly better, he did it again.

** _You’d just turned 16 when he left you for the third time._ **

_He never even told you where he was going._

_Dean disappeared with Cas after they killed Dick Roman._

_You went back to the motel._

_Then Sam disappeared during the middle of the night._

_You should’ve known._

_He always did this._

_Sam always ran at the first chance he got._

_Except this time, you had no one left._

_Dean was gone. Cas was gone._

_Bobby was dead._

_And now Sam had abandoned you._

_So you made a promise to yourself._

_This would be the third and final time you’d let Sam Winchester abandon you._

For the next few years, you did what you had to.

You hunted. You drank. You smoked. You fucked.

It was disgusting.

You knew it was. The bartenders looked at you disgusted.

You were barely 18, drinking just as much as a grown man, flirting with men double, even triple your age.

But it was the only way to deal with it all.

You were just glad there was a guardian demon watching over you, making sure that despite your terrible decisions, you wouldn’t be too hurt.

** _It wasn’t until you were 20 that you ran into them again._ **

_Crowley had long since disappeared._

_You had a feeling it was the Winchesters._

_The last time you saw him, he was a mess. Weeping, desperate and broken._

_You had no idea what had happened, but for someone as strong as Crowley to have been as damaged as this, you knew the Winchesters were most likely involved._

_But then he found you again._

_Showed up out of nowhere._

_Told you someone needed to see you._

_So you went with him._

_Crowley might’ve been the King of Hell, but in all the years he’d known you, he’d never hurt you in any way, despite you being one of the Winchesters biggest weak spots._

_You trusted him completely, so you took his hand and suddenly you were in a graveyard, Dean and Sam stood there. A redhead, Cas and the writer dude you’d met a few years ago, all watching._

_They explained what had happened in the past few years._

_Abaddon. Metatron. The Mark. Angels falling. Dean becoming a demon. The Darkness. Everything._

_You weren’t surprised._

_What were the Winchesters good for, other than releasing crazy apocalyptic beings, constantly?_

_When they told you Dean was about to die, you barely reacted._

_It’d been years since Bobby died. Your anger had long since melted away, but you were slightly glad._

_Having been by their side for years, you no longer believed these men were helping the world._

_Maybe they saved a few lives every now and then. But in the end, they were the ones putting the world in harm’s way._

_So you simply gave Dean a hug and watched as he disappeared._

_Then you left._

_You knew Sam wanted you to stay._

_You knew he needed you there with him._

_But you weren’t willing to be around him anymore._

_The love you had for this man had been chipped away every time he left you._

_You didn’t want to hear his excuses for leaving you after Dean disappeared with Cas._

_You didn’t want to hear him apologize, or listen to him grovel._

_You just wanted nothing to do with him._

_So this time, you were the one who left._

But of course, not everyone was willing to let you live your separate lives.

You just had to run into him again.

Which is why you were stood here, at the funeral of Asa Fox, stood frozen as you saw Sam sitting with the twins you knew as Max and Alicia.

Everyone was watching both Sam and Dean, jaw’s hanging open in amazement of the ‘legendary’ Winchesters.

**_It was odd to be in a room full of people who all seemed to look up to your ‘dad’ like he was some kind of hero. A part of you wanted to see him through their eyes just for a moment. You tried to picture him as_**, ‘Sam Winchester, selfless saviour of the world’.

Except, all you saw was ‘Sam Winchester, selfish asshole who forsakes the world for his own gain’.

Dean noticed your presence, looking up at you right at that moment, a small smile on his face, relieved to see you after so long.

You’d grown so much.

He couldn’t believe the small, terrified kid they’d met in that closet was now standing in front of him, looking stronger and more grown than he could ever imagine.

But beneath it all, he could still see that child. The one who just wanted love. The one who never got it from either him or his brother.

The one who just wanted Bobby back.

You noticed Dean’s stare, nodding softly, then walking right into the kitchen.

There was no way you could be around these two again.

You were grateful for them saving you when you were 10.

You were thankful for them taking you in and raising you until you were 11.

But you weren’t thankful for them both abandoning you. Over and over and over.

You weren’t grateful for them causing you to lose the one man you loved as much as your real father.

They brought death, destruction and pain everywhere they went.

You certainly had no plans to be one of the people who was unlucky enough to know the Winchesters and lose their life.

So you said goodbye to Jody and gave your condolences to Lorraine.

Then you walked out and drove away.

Away from the house.

Away from the town.

Away from pain and suffering.

Away from the Winchesters.


End file.
